2 days ago · The Onion brings you all of the latest news, stories, photos, videos and more from America's finest news source.

1 day ago · Basketball, Sports Steph Curry Finally Finishes Eating Mouthguard Like A Vitamin You Ingest With Your Eyes. Get The Onion Newsletter.

The Onion is the world’s leading news publication, offering highly acclaimed, universally revered coverage of breaking national, international, and local news events.

3 days ago · Become A Member Of The Last Functioning Part Of Our Democracy. Join The Onion Today Politics

2 days ago · Like A Vitamin You Ingest With Your Eyes. Get The Onion Newsletter. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Become A Member Of The Last Functioning Part Of Our Democracy. Join The Onion Today

2 days ago · Researchers discovered 400,000-year-old hearth remains in what is now England, indicating early humans practiced deliberate fire-setting far earlier than previously thought. What do …

While America’s Finest Membership offers various additive benefits, The Onion website will remain freely available to every callous reader who refuses to surrender their credit card information.

2 days ago · Local Bullshit Newborn Not Even Christ Become A Member Of The Last Functioning Part Of Our Democracy. Join The Onion Today

Jul 2, 2007 · Officials confirm that all online data has been lost after the Internet crashed and was forced to restart.